quite possibly my only fond memory of christmas.

Christmas Solitare.

Since the early days, Christmas has traditionally been a lonely time of year for me.

devoid of all conviviality, friends, family, partners, neighbours, and acquaintances.

Rudolph never came round with his bright red nose.
Santa too, never really bothered popping by with his sleigh.
The Elves were probably busy with their gift wrapping.
and even the ol'grinch was never to be found.

My extended family or any sporadically sparse remnants of them would usually be travelling somewhere throughout the wide reaches of our diverse globe...


My mom would be away, on some foreign (s)e(x)scapade with another one of her angmo companions.

My dad would be busy managing the rambunctious crowds during the supposedly festive season at his handful of hustle-bustle-restaurants.


Whilst i would be stuck at home- staring at the blank ceiling- playing games of which lizard's gonna mate tonight, or, in recent years, mugging away, somehow diligently, at work (shangri-la, changkat).


staying in on christmas eve, slugging it at work on christmas day, the same on boxing day, and sleeping early on new year's eve... working again on new year's day...

the past few years has witnessed similar patterns.
im the christmas solitare professional.

but i do guess that it's time.
a long time coming.
for change.

i would really really really like this year.... this very very very current year.
to be filled with a lot more exultation, merriment, and rapturous glee.
the kind you watch in movies and read about in novels.
cheesy, cliched, and diabetically sweet.
i really do not care.
beautiful events and its concomitant circumstances.
put me in them.
put my loveliest friends in them.
put big wide happy smiles on all our faces.
and warm our cold cold hearts.

i pray, i beg, i obsecrate, plead and beseech...

heck... indulge me with a little playmate whilst you're at it too.
you dont have to take the suggestive wording all too seriously.

i honestly think that i've done my time.
let's make this year oh-so-different.