sweep her off her feet?
i really do not have a broom big enough...
metaphorically that is... =D

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:


1. a friend

2 a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25.. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53.. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

*family engagements (even of those you have never ever heard of before)

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring Alcohol

LOL.

jeraldjustin edit:

1. I actually like undergarments. (But in under strict circumstances, absoluetly NO lace and NO leather please)

2. I'm not a fan of alcohol... Bring Fresh Maguro, Fried Chicken, and Peel Fresh Mangosteen Juice.

=P

oh yah. i left out no.55 (for the modern girl): the man must be of ANGMO descent

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband"

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll loose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

my mum sent me a revealingly personal side of her life that intrigued me in an amusing kind of way.

she proved to me what i had known all this while.
that a human's appetite, craving, and desire for love will never cease to end.
we will break up, cheat, move on, search, hunt, two time, three time, four time, five time, and god knows what else.
such is the passion that burns inside of us.

she has battled hard, her bravery unparalleled...

who else in this very world in her very position would actually teach herself to get onto the worldwideweb and join a string of dodgy dating websites ridden with sneakily incredulous licentious individuals...

she went on looking for the love of her life...
and was rewarded with a ton of similar likeminded but varingly diverse individuals all vying for the slightest sliver of her adoration and affection.

regardless of her grotesquely cliched taste in men (read: angmo), i just wish from the deepest bellows of my heart that she may eventually find her eternal happiness...

let's just hope that the younger generation will take heed and not follow in her footsteps.

her path is a long, hardship ridden, war torn battled, windycurvy messed up road to love...

my mother.
the puppyishly lovesick 55 yearold teenager.


My life : Year 2007 to 2008 been the most interesting part of my life...very colourful and eventful. A picture tells a thousand words. Wondering what my life would be if I have met Wilfrid of Belgium and Massimo from Switzerland..they have been my very close cyber and sms pal. I finally ended up with my first heart throb Bunny Mandurah and I know that we will be a loving couple. I have finally found what I want in a man in Bunny...He is a simpleton, humble and down to earth.

Though I am still very fond of Paul, his job requires him to travel long distance and I do not want a replica of John's lifestyle. I am glad that we still keep in touch as good friends.

I thank God that I do not have John in my life anymore. He was driving me to my grave and I was not happy. He was very sarcastic and selfish..and he behave like he is my father.

Too bad for Andy..he is too temperamental and childish..but it was fun knowing him..he was there for me when I needed someone most. Because of him I finally fulfil my dream of a white x'mas when I visited Switzerland last year. It was one of the most exciting, mysterious and romantic holiday I ever have.

I have a feeling that I will like Wilfrid of Belgium and Massimo of Switzerland if I ever get to meet them before. Thank goodness I never make an effort to meet up with these two attractive guys else my life will be more complicated,

I am very happy at where I am now. Bunny is a good man and very loving and I look forward to spent the rest of my life with him .. a slow simple carefree life.. with lots of love and respect for each other..

I am very thankful to GOD for blessing me with such a good family..my sisters, brothers, sister & brother-in-law, mum and children have been very supportive and understanding.

Nancy

if you look past the cheesy dreamy effect karaoke video, the song's actually pretty sweet =D

in a recurring dream.

2001: Bedok Central

2002: Bedok Interchange

2004: Murdoch College

2005: Mountbatten Road

2006: Hay Street

2008: Orchard Cineleisure

2008: Raffles Boulevard

unlike what your brain is telling you right now...

it actually feels satisfyingly rewarding.

one of the many unknown truths of life.

the twofinger dessert.

trust me.

i've been there.

deja vu.
a recurring phenomenon that seems to plague me with every new one i meet.
even the ones i have absolutely no intentions or expectations or the slightest hopes from...
even when i want nothing . the same thing happens.
over and over and over again.

it's just one of those things in life where you get used to it for awhile...
you think you've battled it long and hard enough.
the skin's developed an impenetrable layer of emotional armour fits snugly onto your raw flesh.
nothing can really harm you.
or so we're made to believe by our subliminal subconcious.

but then every time it happens, the taste in the mouth gets a lot more sour, the sensation stunningly numb with every occasion, and the bitter aftertaste lingers for that much longer.
sometimes you arent affected by the current situation.
but more so the reminders that kick in when the memories start flowing back like an unstoppable tidal wave of playbacks from yesteryear.
raking up distant historic moments from the past that has threatened to overhaul the natural balance of all things right.
it's the bitter past that hurts the most.
because it will never go away.
and it just adds up as time goes on.. with every major contretemps.
it grows like a malignant tumour...

maybe i am just unlucky. things wont ever fall in place.
or perhaps some kind of better more sensible reason exists.
i guess i must have been a real asshole to women in my past life.
it's possibly the only way to explain my misfortunes in this particular department.
karma's come back to bite me in the rear.
things will never ever go right in my current lifetime if the trend continues.

but dont worry i am okay.
because im really not that much bothered by the present and its spontaneously overabundant misgivings that's been repetitively thrown my way.
you could call it a recapitulation of parallel events.
whatever it is. the same things happen over and over again.
just with different people. different locations. different times.
same outcome.

but no im not really affected all that much anymore.
because it's the past that's worryingly clingy. it lingers like a pungently sharp odour that will never go away.
grasping on to every single strand of my cellular memory.
everytime something goes wrong in the present. the past will have its own stage to perform with ease and gusto.

reminding me. reminding me. reminding me.

it's like... there's never been any form of closure...
and it's true.
it has never existed.
and it never will.

some things in our dear lives are meant to stay on and never ever leave us.
it's a tribulating payback designed to haunt us in the present for the unpleasant sins we have committed in our past life.
the many different individuals i must have scarred.
what a sight.
what a thought.
what a distant memory.
i even have no recollection of it whatsoever.
the things that just aren't meant to be.
will never be.

be careful.

that's what i have always been told by everyone.
all the time.
everytime.

xxx

i've been asking a million and one people the same question over and over again.
and i seem to be getting two vastly differing answers- conveniently split into two groups.
a more traditional solution - drafted by the elders
whilst the juniors prefer the modern way of doing things.
hardly surprising... but i'm still quite undecided as to how i will live my life with regards to that particular situation.
will let you know more in due time.
i'm kinda sleepy right now.

it's complicated .

oh gawd it most certainly is.

one's in the latter part of the decade, the other has just entered the club not too long ago.

but their personalities and dispositions are of complete polar opposites.
oxymorons, paradoxes, and contradictions.
sometimes i dont even know who which one i am talking to.
they both come with prepaid baggage of course- like anyone else in this world, but in these two scenarios, with plenty more intense and extraordinary circumstances.

unsurprisingly, im starting to warm up to them both.
they open up my eyes with lots of important life lessons and real life experiences.
their companionship and presence can only improve me as a better person all round. no goddamn doubt about that.

but the thing i do know...
is that they're both good people.
and we've heard about this before haven't we.
they're the kind of people i'd like to have around me.
the right ones.

now the only important thing is to keep those damn emotions in check.

as messed up and complicated my family is... well... there will always be someone out there who's got it equally complex or far worse off in terms of experiences.

to be honest... i guess I've always gotten it pretty good. the longer end of the sticks if you will. that is, until i experienced true loss.
that was hard.
no one teaches you how to cope and get over loss.
you have to experience and just dive in, taking in whatever hits you, and just sucking things up.
sometimes breaking down does help. it allows you to release some of the bad stuff.
but at most times you have to naturally be strong and just move on.

today i witnessed a level of maturity and emotional understanding from someone that made me truly laud and admire her.

Like i said before, the things that happen in the past affects the decisions that we make in the future, oh-so-whole-heartedly might i add.
but what i forgot to add was the fact that it also shapes us... it moulds us into particular forms of human beings. our character. our behaviour. our personality. our responses to the different forms of threats and hurtful actions. our psychological, emotional, and mental states of wellbeing in times of crisis.

the past helps us to deal with them.

no one with a flowery cloudy hearty all loving past will be able to react normally or function efficiently when the shit hits the fan. he/she will panic and just zone out.

well i believe that the more fuckedup and messed up your past is.
the stronger you become. in every sense of the word.
and this doesnt just come with regards to family.
it's the whole package.

and i'm nothing really. compared to her.

my methods are neanderthal.
i employ and don a ridiculous facade to cope with the outside world.
She doesnt even need armour.
She's the real deal.

but... like any other person...
well she's not without her faults and weaknesses of course.
in recent times, she's found tranquility and solace within individuals who, well, somehow represent a present day manifestation of the supposed loss that she encountered. it's just curious wondering what kind of sensual relationships she undergoes with them.

and yet, despite this, i still find myself looking up and wondering...
how does she do it?
im sure there's some other flaw that i have yet discovered or found out.
but whatever the case, im still a proud admirer of her's.
a strong willed, mature, and level headed young woman.
but one just can't help pitying her taste though... let's all pray and hope that it's not for the long run, because we all know by now that letting your emotions decide the future can only result in dire consequences.

Hi All!
Hope you're all looking foward to the event!
The preps have all been going well and everything seems to be slowly but surely falling in place, piece by piece.

Due to exclusitivity concerns and the barring of uninvited guests, the DateTimeLocation will not be mentioned here so do ring me at 90252769 if you still have no idea.

The Casino Team will arrive about an hour after opening time so come early to CHOP your seats on the hot tables!

Special Lucky Prizes are given out every 15 minutes concurrently between the tables and the TOP Three Winners of the night will get to go home with well... the TOP Three Prizes =D

not to mention that my mum will be picking out two lucky guests for the BEST dressed male and female of the night! So that gives us all a reason to dress up! (hint: BLING things up= casino, money, shiny reflective dangling things, think BLING BLING BLING!!!) don't worry, there'll be air conditioning.. so yes... the humidity wont be a problem.

there'll be a half and hour INTERMISSION at 9pm. (even the croupiers who are super hot girls still have to eat right. they're not all anorexic)

Do come hungry and sober.
there'll be great food and heaps of drinks to consume.
a tip for your fancy: cover the blemishes and bring them dancing shoes too if you wish... there's a photographer running out and about and also a DJ on the second floor balcony! The living room has been cleared to make space and lighting is being put up as you read this.

Alrighty then, sorry for the super long essay~
just to answer a few questions.

(1) YES. Spouses are allowed. Girlfriends. Boyfriends. Husbands. Wives. Fiances. Mistresses. They can come... as long as the numbers arent too exorbitant.

(2) The closest MRT is Tanah Merah MRT Station.
for more details, contact me.

(3) For Drivers.
FROM ECP: Exit Bayshore
for more details, contact me.

FROM PIE towards TPE: Exit Simei
for more details, contact me.

(4)
Most of the FOOD is HALAL, there will be indicators and signs to guide you through so do not worry about whether or not to have a bite of that scrumptious looking chicken curry. There are obviously non alcoholic drinks too so dont worry!

(5)
You DO NOT need to bring any money for the party.
The "CASINO" is a legal bindary so there's no money involved.
So dont worry, come down and have fun!
BUT how does it work you ask?
well very simple, you come in at the door and there'll be a table where you have to sign in and you get a "thousand bucks".
These thousand dollars are exchangable for CHIPS at the tables where you can thus play games.
but remember, only a thousand bucks per person, so gamble wisely.

(6)
If you plan to drink on the night, please do not drive.
and if you plan to drive on the night, please do not drink. in fact, i will be keeping close watch on drivers!
There is an ample supply of taxis up and around my area, so just rest assured that transport will NOT be a problem.
besides, RESPONSIBLE guests such as mr cool hay fever retz fernando will definately cut back for the night, or maybe not.
on another note, YES, there should be ample parking space along the road around my home, just come early okay. And no there wont be any traffic police fining people because the roads are in a private propertied neighbourhood. so just PARK PARK and PARK away!


(7)
DRESS CODE.
You and everyone coming are OBVIOUSLY not legally binded to be donned in any formal suit whatsoever.
But it'll be both pleasing and exciting, not to mention mildly entertaining, to watch people dress up and looking all partyish and emitting a warm radiant vibe. It'll definately add to the mood and swing of the place if ppl come dressed to the occasion.
But dont feel obliged of course, and dont make it a reason to miss out!

(8)
B.Y.O
There will be beer on tap on the night. So you dont have to worry about not being able to grow a belly. But if it's hard liquor and spiris you're after, then it's best to bring your own; just remember that i will confiscate your car keys if you plan to both drive and drink the hard liquor that you plan on bringing.

(9)
i beg you.
PLEASE MINGLE.
There'll be lots of different people from different cliques and different places on the night. But don't let it be a barrier.
Share a photo album or two.
Sign the Autograph books together.
Have a drink together.
Makan a solid meal on the same table.
DANCE with one another. slowly. passionately.
Or have a seat at the roulette table next to one another.
whatever laa.
just dont clusterf^*! okay.

(10)
there will be girls.
there will be boys.
there will be women.
there will be men.
there will be aunties.
there will be uncles.
whatever tickles your fancy.
many will be appealing.
many will be attractive.
many will seem irresistable.
especially after a few drinks.
some will also be close to ovulation, and at this fertile moment, reproductive costs are high. So please. RESIST.
and please, bring the hormones and genetics to another location if you plan on inseminating one another with your fluids.
please spare the luxurious bedsheets and crisp linen in my home.
there are some cheap motels down the road in changi if you wish on ending the night with a climatic experience.
but if you really really really must, use the toilets downstairs. avoid my room when you're in the mood at all costs please. it's still in a state of purity =D

so that's it then.
if you're reached this far.
well done.
you'll be well prepared for the night.
just drink a sustainable amount of water before arriving.
and remember! dressy dressy dressy.

how do we avoid shaping the future based on harrowing experiences from our past?

because that's what we usually, or rather, ALWAYS do isnt it...

we either learn from whatever's burnt us before and just look for something totally different...
or try to find someone similar, made of the same mould, cut from the same piece of soiled cloth, and somehow, someway, make good use of the second time round to live it in another way... i.e. find a person who's very much like the old one, but we treat each experience in a different way, hoping for the best, hoping that the eventual outcome would turn out much sweeter than it was before.

but either way...
we're still using the past to shape our future.. arent we?
and that most certainly cannot be the healthiest way to live our lives is it?

IT IS an inevitable course of life.
we will dive into nostalgia.
the unforgettable always creeps somehow.
and thus we either work around it... or with it.
there's no heavenly path away from it.
which is why...
the past always matters.
no matter how far and wide we look foward.
the things behind will eventually catch up with us.

xxx

she'll always be attracted to the sordid fact that they are all "well travelled".
but then what she doesnt know... or perhaps, what she overlooks and takes for granted, is the blatant fact that they all know how to play the game.
yes. even at that age, the bloody game still exists. they play her. and they play with her feelings, with his over the shoulder double crossing escapades.
.. and yet she wont know that.. and she will think that he's oh so awesome, all the right moves, hitting the right buttons, pulling the right strings, and moistening up the right things...

the middle-aged-executive-working-class douchebag.
a sibling of everyone's favourite personality.
the slutbag.

A nice story - will make you appreciate family . . . however for most of us, it's too late!


My grandmother died in the 50s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store in town, the shillings she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk...


Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 drink bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.


She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. 'And always remember this thing,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a woman with small hands.'


'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.



She answered in her soft Scottish voice.


'Makes your dick look bigger.'

{Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?}

a close friend of mine recently asked me.
"hey you're turning 21 soon! what do you want? what do you need? what do you desire?
you just seem to have everything material already. . . "

okay i know what's on the mind of perhaps a million and one percent of you out there and sorry to say but you're all extravagantly far off with reference to that particular answer about what i want...

i dont want another person around. and as far as i know... i do not need her.
it's just a great feeling to just... dream. fantasize. reminisce.


but current resources (not just monetary mind you... but chronological, emotional, psychological and mental capacity of course) prove otherwise.
i dont feel ready. (and so here i am saying sorry to the declinations to whoever that i've thrown their way; it's not you, ITS ME. REALLY. well perhaps for that one or two... it's YOU. =p kidding)

and besides.
i am finding it increasingly difficult to just... settle...
for the longest time i've been used and very much akin to the idea of commitment and "long-term-ness"...
but recently...
well...
let's just say things change.

i find it almost impossible to just imagine the idea of settling with a person without even experiencing whatever it is that's still out there.
the many tastes and smells yet to be encountered.
the differing contours and curves.
the vivaciously vibrant personalities each one unique and exclusive from the others.
there's so much more to explore and indulge in...
how do you just...
settle?

i see so many different people and women everyday and i just zone away to a fictitious fantasy and i imagine. i create viciously saturated images in my mind and just travel.
travel away.
travel and unravel in the fantatiously shangrila life that will never cease to exist in reality.
a world free of diseases and poverty.
abundance in opulent riches; both in lavish materialist possessions and most importantly... emotional affluence.
overflowing with love.
the best kind of love.
plushly luxurious family love.
and it feels wonderful.

but all in all.
the so called "memories" actually still maintain the original idea that is naturally instilled in most of us...
that is... the notion of monogamy.
because it's always of time spent with another person.
no matter how sweet and beautiful.
though different at times. it's always ONE.
and only the two of us.

so i guess. perhaps.
we do end up settling.
just because.
just because.
oh just because.
something special actually exists.
but for now...
let's take a swim in a dozen or so different puddles.

get wet.

(i guess it's the same the other way too. a recent report in the papers stated that there are higher incidences of women cheating more than men nowadays. and that's scary.
oh - so - friggin - bloody - scary. . . who can we really really trust? that's feminism and equal opportunities for you. if men can cheat. so can women. they're just using the bad rotten eggs that have existed in the past and making life a nightmare for us innocent souls.)

xxx

crap.
i don't know why.
but there's just so much on my mind these days.
i just don't know why.
thinking too much.
...
and oh yes...
what is it exactly that i really really really want?
well.
to stop damn procrastination... and just pick up driving already.


xxx

i'd just like some close good friends who i can talk to and spend quality time with when i get emo.
they require high tolerance levels and an unending virtuous supply of patience.
in fact.
they already exist.
and i love them already with all my heart thank you very very much.